I've been reading post in my GP support group on Facebook. This post is geared for them.
Many of you have been dealing with this gp stuff longer than me. Here's what I've noticed and what frustrates me. With GP there is NO standard of care. There is no text book way to diagnose, ease symptoms,and cure GP. It would be so much easier to say {god forbid} have cancer. There are standard ways to treat cancer, there are hit and misses, yes, but there is a way to treat it that tends to work for most people. Thank God for that and thank God there are so many that can be cured. My thoughts are that we all have to become our own advocate and I've seen that so many of you are. We're just in this big leaky life raft and spinning in circles! I'm bipolar, there are many meds to regulate this. It's hit and miss, but eventually most folks find a combo that works for them. GP is not like this I'm learning! Last week I was sick as hell. This week I'm eating myself out of house and home. The symptoms flip flop that fast for me. I'll feel all normal, then its two steps back! Some folks will scare the shit out of you with their horror stories. You think, Oh, mines not that bad. then you have a bad few days and think, Mine is just as bad. I don't have the hospital stays or feeding tubes, or gastric pacemakers. I've been through my own gastro hell since I was a kid.
I read that some people can only eat pureed foods and such. I can relate to that b/c I had two fundoplications. That surgery was the hardest on me yet. I had to have it done twice b/c it didn't work the first time. I know all about a soft food diet and the frustration and cravings for a turkey sandwich that go with that. I've had my gall bladder out, since that filter is gone, I've about pooed while walking down an aisle at Save A Lot. I know all about that. I have experienced a wide cast of gastro malfunctions. My weight has ebbed and flowed. Part of that is yes, being a girl. The other part is stress eating and medications. With my weight as still big as it is, you can tell I could put up some groceries. I can't do that much anymore. All that has really tasted good is junk! Like Doritos and banana pudding. I ate salad this week, so far it's not hurt me,but it's sticking around, so I choked down Miralax last night. Kinda did the job.
Last week I was so depressed again about it and today I'm all lets kick GP in the face. I don't think my emotions about it have anything to do with being bipolar either. I think even normal folks would agree with some of this.
This condition, malfunction, disease , whatever you want to call it is so different for everyone, I think THAT'S why there is no real standard of care. Maybe one day there will be. Maybe one day there will be a cure. In my opinion for there to be a cure you have to find a cause. I think mine was caused because I ate 40plus mg of percocet every day for almost 2 years. Then again, it could be caused from my surgeries. Who knows but God. All I know is I have to deal with it. Some days I put on my big girl panties and do just that. Other days I crawl into a hole with the snuggie and remote.
I still don't know what the right path of care is for me and neither does my Dr. I feel like we'[re all swinging blind folded at a pinata with a tooth pick!
.....that is all for today folks....
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Monday, October 22, 2012
A Little More Living
It's been a bit since I've ranted like a crazy woman on the woe is me of GP. I've been conducting little studies shall we say on this new chapter in my life.
I have eaten out with my kids..
I've seen my psychiatrist
I have been to Barnes and Noble to look for books.
I have massive stock up grocery shopped.
I have eaten my favorite chicken salad from my grocery store, pizza, pork roast, cheese dip, a grilled hot dog, and banana pudding.
First things first, as it's the most frustrating part, I ate at Red Lobster with my kids two weeks ago. The kids and I went to Ms. I'm from there but live an hour away now. We had a good time seeing my new nephew, my Mama, and did some shopping. We were starving and they picked Red "Monster" in Southaven, Ms.We sat and we waited and waited. Finally got our drink order and I asked if I could order a child size portion of crab linguine. It's my favorite. I knew I'd only eat a wee bit and wasn't going home any time soon, so I didn't want to waste good food and money. They waitress looked very confused. I tried to explain my stomach situation to her and she got even more confused. Finally I just said I had stomach surgery.{not a lie, b/c I don't lie, the surgery was in 2010} She said there was no way I could do that. I asked why. She had to get her manager over to tell me it's not possible. So screw it, I ordered the pasta any way with a side of fried clams. I asked to just get those instead of a salad, would it be a problem. Yes, matter of fact it would be, because the salad came with it, and that's what I HAD to get. B.S. I ordered my clams and my kids food. The more I sat there and stewed the madder I got. I didn't let my kids see I was really pissed off. Not that they "couldn't" change it, but that they wouldn't. I even had asked if I could order off the kids menu. Nope again. That's total horseshit too, b/c I do it all the time. So finally I tracked down our waitress and told her to cancel the pasta. She told me I'd probably have to pay for it anyway b/c the order had been put in and was about to come out. I told her that I didn't want it. It was a very confusing situation for me. I know the restaurant has rules and such, it's a business, I get it. The flat refusal to even try is what got me. My kids order got screwed up too. Needless to say I ate cold fried clams and my oldest ate chicken when he ordered shrimp. I'd had a bad experience in there back in Aug. too, but I'll give most places the benefit of doubt. So nope! No more Red Monster in Southaven for us!
I saw my wonderful psychiatrist this past week. She knew that there was the posiblity of me having gp because I told her in my last visit. I also signed a release so that she and my gastro Dr. could swap notes if they need to. I took the medication information from Canada for her to read. I'm bipolar as I've said before. My meds have me pretty regulated, but a pill don't fix all the crazy. I take my meds every single day whether manic or depressed. Currently I take Lamictal and Seroquel. Seroquel XR is a wonder drug for me. For the first time in years I feel pretty normal, even though right now I'm slightly hypo manic. Right now I'm tripping about the gp because all I can imagine is my kids standing over my bed because I've wasted away to nothing and they're saying goodbye. I know we all have our times up,and I'm confident I will be in heaven, but I'm in no hurry. Anyway, she read over the info and told me that it's fine for me to take. I asked was she sure that it's ok because it's from Canada. Sure she told me. I'm very up front with my Dr.'s ALL of them. I don't want anything to cancel each other out. I take Nexium and tums for my gastro stuff. I take my bipolar meds, and I also take a blood pressure medication too. After my Dad died my bp went through the roof along with my weight. I'm tapering off that right now.
I went to Barnes and Noble because my shrink recommended a book called ,Goddesses in Every Woman.
So I decided to look for books on gp while I was there. There was not one just abut it. I looked in some diabetes books and there were slight mentions of it. The brief info there was enough to scare the crap out of even the most clogged up folks. I picked up Doctors Guide to Gastrointestinal Health. There were a scant 3 1/2 pages of scary useless information. This morning I pulled up Amazon and there were a few on the site. I'm not sure which one I'll order. I think I've googled myself into a tizzy. Maybe I'll write a best seller on gastrointestinal nightmares! I've had some sort of issue my whole life. As a kid I could puke pretty much on demand. I went home from several slumber parties because I'd get scared about being away from home. I'd hurl and my parents had to come get me at midnight.
I managed to big grocery shop without having an anxiety attack! I don't make out a monthly or weekly menu as some of my friends do. I probably should since my appetite is nil. I cook whatever I'm hankering for or the weather dictates. Pinto beans and cornbread in the fall and tomato sandwiches in July, that sort of thing. I could probably not grocery shop for at least a month or more except for milk and bread. Guess you could call me a grocery hoarder. I like a variety of options. I wasn't overwhelmed this time because of boo hoo, I can't eat that anymore. I'm coping better that way.
I'm learning my "trigger" foods. Let's start with Thursday night. We grilled out hot dogs, burgers,and brats. I ate a hot dog with no bun, ruffles, rotel, & a piece of chocolate pie. I kept telling Josh {husband} to make me stop. He has no sympathy with me when it's something even he knows will mess me up. He told me nobody was holding me down. It was just so dern good. I had to take phenegran in order to sleep. {My bed is propped up b/c of the gerd}.Friday was a field trip to the zoo. I ate a few fruit snacks and a bit of a pbj b/c I was hungry and that's what we'd packed to take. It got very heavy after just a bit. I got pizza for supper. I managed 2 slices in about an hr. Okay there. Saturday my stomach was giving me fits and I had no real appetite. Ran to town for a few things and got my favorite chicken salad from this great hometown grocery store. It's a very simple recipe,but I can never get it just right. It's chicken, grapes,mayo,pecans,and a few other ingredients. I got to feeling car sick so I took a phenegran just before we left town. I live in the boonies near the Ms. river. Get home, eat some chicken salad on a fresh piece of Wonder bread. Then I got sick! I tried my best to hurl, but I couldn't. I even thought about stuff that icks me out to help it out. Nope! There that salad sat, like a brick in the back of my throat to my intestines. I had to take more phenegran. I spent yesterday on the couch. I had every intention of going to church with the kids, but I just couldn't go. I really hope God understands that my intentions were good. I cooked a pork roast and made banana pudding yesterday. I ate a few nibbles of the roast. It was really juicy and I only ate a few bites every couple of hours or so, so it didn't get stuck. Banana pudding on the other hand I could have snarfed the entire big bowl of it. It seems like sweets are easier to digest. If that's not the case, then it taste better. I also drank my slimfast and took my vitamin.
I'm learning how to cope better, I guess. Right now I'm doing trial and error on eating. Lesson learned on food : I can't eat Naifeh's chicken salad anymore, I can't eat rotel dip except a little bit, I can still eat pizza very slowly,and I can inhale banana pudding.
I gave this to God. Like really truly gave it to Him. It's not at the forefront of all my thoughts anymore and I'm not as anxious as I was.
I have eaten out with my kids..
I've seen my psychiatrist
I have been to Barnes and Noble to look for books.
I have massive stock up grocery shopped.
I have eaten my favorite chicken salad from my grocery store, pizza, pork roast, cheese dip, a grilled hot dog, and banana pudding.
First things first, as it's the most frustrating part, I ate at Red Lobster with my kids two weeks ago. The kids and I went to Ms. I'm from there but live an hour away now. We had a good time seeing my new nephew, my Mama, and did some shopping. We were starving and they picked Red "Monster" in Southaven, Ms.We sat and we waited and waited. Finally got our drink order and I asked if I could order a child size portion of crab linguine. It's my favorite. I knew I'd only eat a wee bit and wasn't going home any time soon, so I didn't want to waste good food and money. They waitress looked very confused. I tried to explain my stomach situation to her and she got even more confused. Finally I just said I had stomach surgery.{not a lie, b/c I don't lie, the surgery was in 2010} She said there was no way I could do that. I asked why. She had to get her manager over to tell me it's not possible. So screw it, I ordered the pasta any way with a side of fried clams. I asked to just get those instead of a salad, would it be a problem. Yes, matter of fact it would be, because the salad came with it, and that's what I HAD to get. B.S. I ordered my clams and my kids food. The more I sat there and stewed the madder I got. I didn't let my kids see I was really pissed off. Not that they "couldn't" change it, but that they wouldn't. I even had asked if I could order off the kids menu. Nope again. That's total horseshit too, b/c I do it all the time. So finally I tracked down our waitress and told her to cancel the pasta. She told me I'd probably have to pay for it anyway b/c the order had been put in and was about to come out. I told her that I didn't want it. It was a very confusing situation for me. I know the restaurant has rules and such, it's a business, I get it. The flat refusal to even try is what got me. My kids order got screwed up too. Needless to say I ate cold fried clams and my oldest ate chicken when he ordered shrimp. I'd had a bad experience in there back in Aug. too, but I'll give most places the benefit of doubt. So nope! No more Red Monster in Southaven for us!
I saw my wonderful psychiatrist this past week. She knew that there was the posiblity of me having gp because I told her in my last visit. I also signed a release so that she and my gastro Dr. could swap notes if they need to. I took the medication information from Canada for her to read. I'm bipolar as I've said before. My meds have me pretty regulated, but a pill don't fix all the crazy. I take my meds every single day whether manic or depressed. Currently I take Lamictal and Seroquel. Seroquel XR is a wonder drug for me. For the first time in years I feel pretty normal, even though right now I'm slightly hypo manic. Right now I'm tripping about the gp because all I can imagine is my kids standing over my bed because I've wasted away to nothing and they're saying goodbye. I know we all have our times up,and I'm confident I will be in heaven, but I'm in no hurry. Anyway, she read over the info and told me that it's fine for me to take. I asked was she sure that it's ok because it's from Canada. Sure she told me. I'm very up front with my Dr.'s ALL of them. I don't want anything to cancel each other out. I take Nexium and tums for my gastro stuff. I take my bipolar meds, and I also take a blood pressure medication too. After my Dad died my bp went through the roof along with my weight. I'm tapering off that right now.
I went to Barnes and Noble because my shrink recommended a book called ,Goddesses in Every Woman.
So I decided to look for books on gp while I was there. There was not one just abut it. I looked in some diabetes books and there were slight mentions of it. The brief info there was enough to scare the crap out of even the most clogged up folks. I picked up Doctors Guide to Gastrointestinal Health. There were a scant 3 1/2 pages of scary useless information. This morning I pulled up Amazon and there were a few on the site. I'm not sure which one I'll order. I think I've googled myself into a tizzy. Maybe I'll write a best seller on gastrointestinal nightmares! I've had some sort of issue my whole life. As a kid I could puke pretty much on demand. I went home from several slumber parties because I'd get scared about being away from home. I'd hurl and my parents had to come get me at midnight.
I managed to big grocery shop without having an anxiety attack! I don't make out a monthly or weekly menu as some of my friends do. I probably should since my appetite is nil. I cook whatever I'm hankering for or the weather dictates. Pinto beans and cornbread in the fall and tomato sandwiches in July, that sort of thing. I could probably not grocery shop for at least a month or more except for milk and bread. Guess you could call me a grocery hoarder. I like a variety of options. I wasn't overwhelmed this time because of boo hoo, I can't eat that anymore. I'm coping better that way.
I'm learning my "trigger" foods. Let's start with Thursday night. We grilled out hot dogs, burgers,and brats. I ate a hot dog with no bun, ruffles, rotel, & a piece of chocolate pie. I kept telling Josh {husband} to make me stop. He has no sympathy with me when it's something even he knows will mess me up. He told me nobody was holding me down. It was just so dern good. I had to take phenegran in order to sleep. {My bed is propped up b/c of the gerd}.Friday was a field trip to the zoo. I ate a few fruit snacks and a bit of a pbj b/c I was hungry and that's what we'd packed to take. It got very heavy after just a bit. I got pizza for supper. I managed 2 slices in about an hr. Okay there. Saturday my stomach was giving me fits and I had no real appetite. Ran to town for a few things and got my favorite chicken salad from this great hometown grocery store. It's a very simple recipe,but I can never get it just right. It's chicken, grapes,mayo,pecans,and a few other ingredients. I got to feeling car sick so I took a phenegran just before we left town. I live in the boonies near the Ms. river. Get home, eat some chicken salad on a fresh piece of Wonder bread. Then I got sick! I tried my best to hurl, but I couldn't. I even thought about stuff that icks me out to help it out. Nope! There that salad sat, like a brick in the back of my throat to my intestines. I had to take more phenegran. I spent yesterday on the couch. I had every intention of going to church with the kids, but I just couldn't go. I really hope God understands that my intentions were good. I cooked a pork roast and made banana pudding yesterday. I ate a few nibbles of the roast. It was really juicy and I only ate a few bites every couple of hours or so, so it didn't get stuck. Banana pudding on the other hand I could have snarfed the entire big bowl of it. It seems like sweets are easier to digest. If that's not the case, then it taste better. I also drank my slimfast and took my vitamin.
I'm learning how to cope better, I guess. Right now I'm doing trial and error on eating. Lesson learned on food : I can't eat Naifeh's chicken salad anymore, I can't eat rotel dip except a little bit, I can still eat pizza very slowly,and I can inhale banana pudding.
I gave this to God. Like really truly gave it to Him. It's not at the forefront of all my thoughts anymore and I'm not as anxious as I was.
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
How to Order a la Carte
I made a call to my gastro Dr. yesterday to see how my motility is. I see a specialist in Memphis, Tn named Dr.Slose. My current rate is 49%. That means as of right now I have a mild case. The nurse, whom I forgot to mention is so kind, was happy to answer the seemingly trivial questions. For right now I will officially change my eating habits. I try to eat bites here and there, but I get tired easy. This morning I'm cramping so I hope I can get unclogged soon!
I've been symptomatic for months. I've learned how to order at a restaurant off the a la cart menu over the past few months. In April I got the sinus crud that is very common around here that time of year. I was coming off percocet too. I had a bit of an appetite but still was ordering like I wasn't puny. I was spending money that I shouldn't have on the "extra's". Those being; a salad with an entree, 3 vegetables with my meat and three special, and saying load up the tater. I was bringing home more leftovers than I would eat before the food went bad. My family liked the leftovers so it didn't go to waste. We don't eat out much for budgetary reasons. I cook at home most nights but I do take myself out to lunch occasionally. I was on the road to learning how to order through trial and error.
I think the first place I really started ordering just what I want at a sit down place was my local Mexican restaurants. It's very easy to order just a burrito or just a taco. You don't get "the look". You know the look I'm talking about, that almost judging glare. I think one of my more embarrassing times, at least to me, was when I ordered an all you can eat salad bar. I got my bowl of soup and sat down. It took me 10 minutes to eat just that one smallish bowl. The waitress came by to refill my tea and asked was there anything else I needed. I looked up and kinda whispered, "Yes, you can. I know I ordered the whole salad bar, but I can't psychically eat any more." I got so embarrassed for some reason. I told her I wasn't feeling well, so could I just pay for my soup and tea. She was so very sweet and told me she'd take care of it. A few minutes later I got my bill. It was $ 2.50. I'm not sure how she rigged it, but she was so sweet and told me she hoped I felt better. I left her a $5.00 tip. I'm not sure just why I was so embarrassed. I don't look sick. I was 220 pounds at the time, so it's implied that this fat chick can eat my entire weight in soup and salad.
I recently had lunch at Macaroni Grill. I tend to eat lunch vs dinner out because it's cheaper on top of being able to order smaller portions. I love pasta! I love pasta and Italian food as good as any New Jersey Italian American. {For the record I'm a true American mutt with Irish being the last ones to get off the ship,so it's the thickest in my blood} I ordered my lunch size lasagna and was asked if I wanted the lunch special with a salad. No thank you. I kinda got a weird look from the sweet server, but not an unkind look. I was alone, but there were these two ladies sitting at the table beside me and I actually had a ball chit chatting with strangers. I ate barely half of my lunch size portion. The server even asked was everything alright, making sure I liked my food. I said yes, but that I don't eat much at one time these days. She smiled and said she's on a diet too. I just nodded and smiled. I didn't want to go into detail about how I just CAN'T eat much.
Last night I hit the McDonald's drive through. I had a coke,so all I ordered was just a regular {small} cheeseburger. I get around to the window to pay and the kid who took my money told me that the double burger was the better deal. I said that I was sure it was but it would be all I could do to choke down just the single. For some reason I told that kid that I couldn't probably eat the whole thing due to gastro issues. He told me his sister had the Lap Band done and she was the same way. I just nodded.
Maybe it's just my own perception that I'm being looked at strange because as big as I am you'd think I could eat more! Over the past few months I've learned to just order what I think I can eat at one time. That's a true first for me. I don't look like I should order off the kids menu or just one taco at La Casa. No, not all the servers give me the look, but others do. I'm sure I get "profiled" for being a big girl. It can't be a bad thing only ordering what I want on the money front. Mentally it's a struggle because I've never been this way before. I had to eat small briefly after hiatal hernia surgery but that was only a few weeks. This GP condition is for life. That seems so final to me.
I'm still tore up because, yes, I need to loose weight, but being put on limits against my will is my struggle. I know that even with meds this condition will worsen. I was still optimistic yesterday when I talked to the nurse. I said something like, "Great! I'll go on and take the meds and get back to 100%.". She told me that she didn't want to give me false hope because it won't get me back to 100%. That yes, this will probably worsen as time goes on. On the bright side, I'll forever more be saving money on groceries here at home and out to eat.
In summation: Order and eat what you want! No explaining at all, savor every small bite,and enjoy it.
I've been symptomatic for months. I've learned how to order at a restaurant off the a la cart menu over the past few months. In April I got the sinus crud that is very common around here that time of year. I was coming off percocet too. I had a bit of an appetite but still was ordering like I wasn't puny. I was spending money that I shouldn't have on the "extra's". Those being; a salad with an entree, 3 vegetables with my meat and three special, and saying load up the tater. I was bringing home more leftovers than I would eat before the food went bad. My family liked the leftovers so it didn't go to waste. We don't eat out much for budgetary reasons. I cook at home most nights but I do take myself out to lunch occasionally. I was on the road to learning how to order through trial and error.
I think the first place I really started ordering just what I want at a sit down place was my local Mexican restaurants. It's very easy to order just a burrito or just a taco. You don't get "the look". You know the look I'm talking about, that almost judging glare. I think one of my more embarrassing times, at least to me, was when I ordered an all you can eat salad bar. I got my bowl of soup and sat down. It took me 10 minutes to eat just that one smallish bowl. The waitress came by to refill my tea and asked was there anything else I needed. I looked up and kinda whispered, "Yes, you can. I know I ordered the whole salad bar, but I can't psychically eat any more." I got so embarrassed for some reason. I told her I wasn't feeling well, so could I just pay for my soup and tea. She was so very sweet and told me she'd take care of it. A few minutes later I got my bill. It was $ 2.50. I'm not sure how she rigged it, but she was so sweet and told me she hoped I felt better. I left her a $5.00 tip. I'm not sure just why I was so embarrassed. I don't look sick. I was 220 pounds at the time, so it's implied that this fat chick can eat my entire weight in soup and salad.
I recently had lunch at Macaroni Grill. I tend to eat lunch vs dinner out because it's cheaper on top of being able to order smaller portions. I love pasta! I love pasta and Italian food as good as any New Jersey Italian American. {For the record I'm a true American mutt with Irish being the last ones to get off the ship,so it's the thickest in my blood} I ordered my lunch size lasagna and was asked if I wanted the lunch special with a salad. No thank you. I kinda got a weird look from the sweet server, but not an unkind look. I was alone, but there were these two ladies sitting at the table beside me and I actually had a ball chit chatting with strangers. I ate barely half of my lunch size portion. The server even asked was everything alright, making sure I liked my food. I said yes, but that I don't eat much at one time these days. She smiled and said she's on a diet too. I just nodded and smiled. I didn't want to go into detail about how I just CAN'T eat much.
Last night I hit the McDonald's drive through. I had a coke,so all I ordered was just a regular {small} cheeseburger. I get around to the window to pay and the kid who took my money told me that the double burger was the better deal. I said that I was sure it was but it would be all I could do to choke down just the single. For some reason I told that kid that I couldn't probably eat the whole thing due to gastro issues. He told me his sister had the Lap Band done and she was the same way. I just nodded.
Maybe it's just my own perception that I'm being looked at strange because as big as I am you'd think I could eat more! Over the past few months I've learned to just order what I think I can eat at one time. That's a true first for me. I don't look like I should order off the kids menu or just one taco at La Casa. No, not all the servers give me the look, but others do. I'm sure I get "profiled" for being a big girl. It can't be a bad thing only ordering what I want on the money front. Mentally it's a struggle because I've never been this way before. I had to eat small briefly after hiatal hernia surgery but that was only a few weeks. This GP condition is for life. That seems so final to me.
I'm still tore up because, yes, I need to loose weight, but being put on limits against my will is my struggle. I know that even with meds this condition will worsen. I was still optimistic yesterday when I talked to the nurse. I said something like, "Great! I'll go on and take the meds and get back to 100%.". She told me that she didn't want to give me false hope because it won't get me back to 100%. That yes, this will probably worsen as time goes on. On the bright side, I'll forever more be saving money on groceries here at home and out to eat.
In summation: Order and eat what you want! No explaining at all, savor every small bite,and enjoy it.
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Gastroparesis Diagnosis
I have been having some pretty severe stomach issues lately. I've been loosing weight {yay} for no reason, no appetite, and constantly constipated. {yeah I said it}. I feel nauseated all the time! I can eat like a bird at meals and be full. I thought my issues were b/c I withdrew from the long time on Percocet. I've always had my stomach issues! Various aliments, surgeries,and treatment plans.
I was diagnosed about ten days ago with gastroparesis. Meaning slow motility in my stomach. It empties very slowly. I've seen it live too. Looked like the 4th of July fireworks in there. I had to eat radio active scrambled eggs, They weren't bad b/c I got to put salt on them. I had to lay on an X-ray table for an hours and half. It wasn't bad either. The X-ray machine was only about 5 or 6 inches away from my stomach. I thought I'd flip out feeling so confined, but believe it or not it was soothing. Dim lights, elevator music,warm blanket. I would have gone to sleep but was too anxious. I cried like a baby when my Dr. called me with the egg test results. I spoke to the nurse, she couldn't help much. I asked how long it would take the meds to clear this up. She told me there is no cure, that it would be like this the rest of my life. That's the point where I lost it. They sent a packet in the mail with order info from the pharmacy in Canada I have to order my meds from. I'm bipolar as well. I'm going to delay the meds as long as I can b/c I need to loose like 40 or more lbs. I'm 5'7 & 210ish this time last year I was right at 247. Elavil put that weight on me.
I'm just down right mad! I love food! I love to eat! I love to cook, I love to plow through a plate of cheese fries soaked in homemade ranch dressing! I love big salads,and turnip greens, and cabbage! I love fresh apples and pears and carrots oh my! I'm southern, and food is a much part of our culture as sitting on the porch drinking sweet tea. It's woven in us like a tight knit rug. Aside from loving my bacon and butter and full fat dairy, I don't cook that bad. I never fry stuff,! My full fat fave. is creamed potatoes swimming in an ocean of butter and heavy cream. I love turkey and dressing! I love most foods! Now, though, I HAVE eat like Mammy told Scarlett to! We're cheese heads around here, all kinds of cheese. Creamy, hard,stinky,blue, white,yellow,peppered,melted,diced,shredded,cubed. We're like Bubba Blue with the way we eat cheese around here.
I love to bake! I love to make cookies with my kids and eat them straight out of the oven! I bake cakes, I love cake. I love cake so much that I went to the Emmy's last year on Duncan Hines dime! I love yellow cake with warm chocolate sauce on it. I love my mama's peanut brittle. I love 3day coconut cake! I love crusty bread dipped in evoo and balsamic vinegar! I love chess pie,chocolate pie,pecan pie, I don't discriminate.
Food and feeding people is my true passion in life. It may sound petty,but I feel like some of my passion has been taken from me. I feel like part of who I am is what I cook and consume. Josh told me that I can still cook with passion like always, but I just can't eat much of it. Where the hell is the fun in that?
I'm just plain MAD! I know I need to loose weight, but NOT like this! I was just about to join Weight Watchers before this. Even on WW I could still eat what I wanted just less. I'd prepared my self for that. I can do it, fired up my friends to do it too. Like a fat girl support group. I feel torn about it. The only thing I'm happy about it loosing weight, but then when I get to what I need to weigh, what then. What measures will I have to take? I take a vitamin, am now drinking 5 oz of Slimfast twice a day and a few nibbles here and there. My stomach pokes out like I'm pg b/c of the gas and constipation. I can fit into my 16 jeans though. For a girl who could wear a 22 last year it's a big deal! I can't take stimulant laxatives either. I don't know just why. So I eat Colease to pretty much no avail.
I found a support group online and literally thanked God for helping me find the page. My symptoms are not so severe that I vomit. I just feel like I am,most of the time. I've tried some of the recommended meds in the past for various issues. I can already say I know they won't work. I did ask my nurse if I could try diet first. She said yes. I asked about Slim Fast she said just one a day and only 1/2 a bottle at a time. It's actually kinda fattening if you don't follow their plan. I've found so many conflicting plans online.{you know b/c everything you read online is true} One says eat all the fat you want,like milkshakes and ice cream. If I did that then I would GAIN weight like I did after hernia surgery #2. One says to do crackers and Gatorade for a few days then bump up your intake. Just reading how much 6 small meals a day of food is made me sick. I'm calling the Dr. tomorrow and seeing jut how slow my motility is and asking just what diet plan they can suggest and ask for phenegran
.http://www.webmd.com/digestive-disorders/digestive-disorders-gastroparesis
Friday, October 23, 2009
My HIDA Scan
I copied this from my other Blog, just so there would be more info on here,esp since Im jsut beginning. I did have my gallbladder out, and Im still here! so that will be more detailed at a later date.
This past Tuesday I went in for a HIDA scan. The purpose of this test is to check gallbladder function. Its a very simple procedure,in all reality. I had to prepare by not having anything to eat or drink after midnight. But nothing was said about smoking. So the morning of the test I got up and had a couple of smokes to settle my raging nerves. and to be honest, I had some teeny sips of Sprite. I didnt take anymore than what swallowing would do,as far as liquid consupmtion. And I brushed my teeth, so I know I swallowed some water then.So I arrive at the designated time for my scan. Got checked in with hospital admissions, complete with bracelet. I was told I didnt need a driver, so I went alone. By the time they called me back I was honestly a bundle of nerves!!! But I shouldnt have been. I was greeted by a very nice tech, who started an IV in my arm. Not like a carry the pole kind of IV but just one of those catheder thingies. Where they tape it to your arm,but have the tube sticking out. Once I was tripply verivied that I was who I said I was, by checking my arm band and asking questions about DOB and what not, I was asked if there was a chance I could be pregnant. I vehemently said HELL NO! The tech got a kick out of that. But I still had to sign a paper to the fact.Then the injection began of radioactive fluid. The purpose of the radioactive stuff was to see if I had any blockages in my gallbladder. As in gall stones. I already knew I didn't, b/c of an ultra sound I had previously had. So at 15 minute intervals they took Xrays of my abdomen. In the interium I was able to sit in the hospital lobby with other people either waiting on family or waiting on their own test. Then after the 4th set of Xrays, I had to lay on a table. More like HALF a table. My first thought was OMG that thing aint gonna hold ONE of my hamhocks much less both of them. But it did. And the small tube like table had moveable arm rest, so my arms were comfy, my knees were propped up,2 pillows under my head.I then took a TON of deep breaths in preperation of being hooked up to more medicine and laying still for 25 minutes.The tech told me that I would be injected for ten minutes with fluid from the bag attached to my IV. And I had to be still. I tried to go to a happy place in my mind. For me its walking along a beach hand in hand with Josh. On Waikiki before all the hotels popped up, Diamond Head in the background. {No,Ive never been there,but its MY happy place}.So as the medicine dripped into my body, the Xray machine was paced to my left at an angle,very close to my stomach area. The tech siad pictures would be taken every minute. Thats why I had to be so still. But this second round of meds HURT like holy hell! My body began to get nauseated, my bowels began to clinch,and my abdomen involuntarily cramped up. I told them I was a puker,so they better get me a bucket or something. I was reassured that in the years both techs had been doing HIDA scans no one had puked. But they aint ever met me before! So I swallowed like no tomorrow, the happy place was gone, replaced by concious concentration to be still and not puke! I asked the nive tech who gave me the first round why in the hell it hurt so bad. He told me it was like eating a greasy cheeseburger! BLEEECK! Much as I love cheeseburgers,it was the LAST thing on my mind,trust me! Then it was over. Just like that. It was the longest 25 minutes of my life,to be sure!I asked them before I left when my Dr. would have the information. They said under the table so to speak,that my gastro office would have it late in the afternoon. I left there at 1pm,my time and grabbed something to eat. I couldnt eat much,and I dont think a PZone was the right choice either! So I brought it home for Nate. I then went grocery shopping. I kinda had to. My guts were still cramping,but I didnt get sick, thank God!!!Around 4pm I called the Dr office. left a message for my Dr, and about 15 minutes later the nurse practicioner called me back. She had some disheartening news. My gallbladder was only working at 2%. Not good, as in, on a scale of 100-0, 100 being perfect and 0 being non working,I was at the bottom! The NP told me that I needed to go see a surgeon, and she'd make the call for me. I told her to get me in ASAP, I didnt care when or what time! So a few minutes alter she called me back to tell me I had an apt on Thursday with the surgeon.Josh and I went together, getting a neighbor to watch Caleb. He came in and was SUPER nice! He asked me point blank if I could get it removed TODAY! My mind was whirlling. TODAY?!? That serious! He said if not today {thursday} then tomorrow, Friday. He left so Josh and I could discuss our options. We decided that Monday {tomorrow} would be the least inconvient time for me to have it removed. The Dr. came back in and we told him Monday would be best. He looked at me rather skeptically. So I then asked if I'd die over the weekend if I didnt have it removed. He said NO, but Id just be in pain and uncomfortable until then. Fair enough. So a time for Monday was set up for surgery at the surgery center where Id had my tubes tied in 07. I liked it there,and the staff was great,so given the option,the surgery center is what I chose.We left the surgeons office and went for pre-op stuff.THEN, On Friday I woke up with a knot under my arm. My right arm, same symptoms as Id had back in the late winter when I had staph. I had noticed a teeny pea sized knot before, but when I got up on Friday my arm was swollen and streaky. SHIT, I thought! So I called the Surgeons office and told them what I thought was going on, and if it would affect my surgery. She said,maybe. But if I got on antibiotics over the weekend, that Id probably be fine. It was just up to my Dr. So off to the PC I went. told her everything that was going on, and about the staph Id had,and how I was terrified it was happening AGAIN!!! I was pissed off at that point. So she put me on strong antibiotics for the weekend, and Im hoping it will not affect whether I have surgery tomorrow or not! She was unable to lance the knot as it was too deep. But yesterday it would have been prime for lancing,and the redness had grown, to about 3 inches above my elbow. When Caleb was in the hospital with the same thing, they drew a circle around his red area,to see if it shrunk or grew. Josh did the same for me. Yesterday it had tripled in size from Friday. last night before going to bed,I drew another circle with a different color marker. Ive been taking the antibiotics just like Im supposed to. This morning,Josh said the redness had gone down some,and I can feel that the knot is not quite so big. I also have today for the antibiotics to work their majic. In hopes that the surgeon can operate even with it,and Im gonna beg him to lance it while Im under. My MIL said postponing surgery would not be the end of the world. true, But I guess mentally Im just thrown by this unexpected curve ball.So thats that,as they say. We wait till tomorrow to see if the surgeon will operate,and go from there!
This past Tuesday I went in for a HIDA scan. The purpose of this test is to check gallbladder function. Its a very simple procedure,in all reality. I had to prepare by not having anything to eat or drink after midnight. But nothing was said about smoking. So the morning of the test I got up and had a couple of smokes to settle my raging nerves. and to be honest, I had some teeny sips of Sprite. I didnt take anymore than what swallowing would do,as far as liquid consupmtion. And I brushed my teeth, so I know I swallowed some water then.So I arrive at the designated time for my scan. Got checked in with hospital admissions, complete with bracelet. I was told I didnt need a driver, so I went alone. By the time they called me back I was honestly a bundle of nerves!!! But I shouldnt have been. I was greeted by a very nice tech, who started an IV in my arm. Not like a carry the pole kind of IV but just one of those catheder thingies. Where they tape it to your arm,but have the tube sticking out. Once I was tripply verivied that I was who I said I was, by checking my arm band and asking questions about DOB and what not, I was asked if there was a chance I could be pregnant. I vehemently said HELL NO! The tech got a kick out of that. But I still had to sign a paper to the fact.Then the injection began of radioactive fluid. The purpose of the radioactive stuff was to see if I had any blockages in my gallbladder. As in gall stones. I already knew I didn't, b/c of an ultra sound I had previously had. So at 15 minute intervals they took Xrays of my abdomen. In the interium I was able to sit in the hospital lobby with other people either waiting on family or waiting on their own test. Then after the 4th set of Xrays, I had to lay on a table. More like HALF a table. My first thought was OMG that thing aint gonna hold ONE of my hamhocks much less both of them. But it did. And the small tube like table had moveable arm rest, so my arms were comfy, my knees were propped up,2 pillows under my head.I then took a TON of deep breaths in preperation of being hooked up to more medicine and laying still for 25 minutes.The tech told me that I would be injected for ten minutes with fluid from the bag attached to my IV. And I had to be still. I tried to go to a happy place in my mind. For me its walking along a beach hand in hand with Josh. On Waikiki before all the hotels popped up, Diamond Head in the background. {No,Ive never been there,but its MY happy place}.So as the medicine dripped into my body, the Xray machine was paced to my left at an angle,very close to my stomach area. The tech siad pictures would be taken every minute. Thats why I had to be so still. But this second round of meds HURT like holy hell! My body began to get nauseated, my bowels began to clinch,and my abdomen involuntarily cramped up. I told them I was a puker,so they better get me a bucket or something. I was reassured that in the years both techs had been doing HIDA scans no one had puked. But they aint ever met me before! So I swallowed like no tomorrow, the happy place was gone, replaced by concious concentration to be still and not puke! I asked the nive tech who gave me the first round why in the hell it hurt so bad. He told me it was like eating a greasy cheeseburger! BLEEECK! Much as I love cheeseburgers,it was the LAST thing on my mind,trust me! Then it was over. Just like that. It was the longest 25 minutes of my life,to be sure!I asked them before I left when my Dr. would have the information. They said under the table so to speak,that my gastro office would have it late in the afternoon. I left there at 1pm,my time and grabbed something to eat. I couldnt eat much,and I dont think a PZone was the right choice either! So I brought it home for Nate. I then went grocery shopping. I kinda had to. My guts were still cramping,but I didnt get sick, thank God!!!Around 4pm I called the Dr office. left a message for my Dr, and about 15 minutes later the nurse practicioner called me back. She had some disheartening news. My gallbladder was only working at 2%. Not good, as in, on a scale of 100-0, 100 being perfect and 0 being non working,I was at the bottom! The NP told me that I needed to go see a surgeon, and she'd make the call for me. I told her to get me in ASAP, I didnt care when or what time! So a few minutes alter she called me back to tell me I had an apt on Thursday with the surgeon.Josh and I went together, getting a neighbor to watch Caleb. He came in and was SUPER nice! He asked me point blank if I could get it removed TODAY! My mind was whirlling. TODAY?!? That serious! He said if not today {thursday} then tomorrow, Friday. He left so Josh and I could discuss our options. We decided that Monday {tomorrow} would be the least inconvient time for me to have it removed. The Dr. came back in and we told him Monday would be best. He looked at me rather skeptically. So I then asked if I'd die over the weekend if I didnt have it removed. He said NO, but Id just be in pain and uncomfortable until then. Fair enough. So a time for Monday was set up for surgery at the surgery center where Id had my tubes tied in 07. I liked it there,and the staff was great,so given the option,the surgery center is what I chose.We left the surgeons office and went for pre-op stuff.THEN, On Friday I woke up with a knot under my arm. My right arm, same symptoms as Id had back in the late winter when I had staph. I had noticed a teeny pea sized knot before, but when I got up on Friday my arm was swollen and streaky. SHIT, I thought! So I called the Surgeons office and told them what I thought was going on, and if it would affect my surgery. She said,maybe. But if I got on antibiotics over the weekend, that Id probably be fine. It was just up to my Dr. So off to the PC I went. told her everything that was going on, and about the staph Id had,and how I was terrified it was happening AGAIN!!! I was pissed off at that point. So she put me on strong antibiotics for the weekend, and Im hoping it will not affect whether I have surgery tomorrow or not! She was unable to lance the knot as it was too deep. But yesterday it would have been prime for lancing,and the redness had grown, to about 3 inches above my elbow. When Caleb was in the hospital with the same thing, they drew a circle around his red area,to see if it shrunk or grew. Josh did the same for me. Yesterday it had tripled in size from Friday. last night before going to bed,I drew another circle with a different color marker. Ive been taking the antibiotics just like Im supposed to. This morning,Josh said the redness had gone down some,and I can feel that the knot is not quite so big. I also have today for the antibiotics to work their majic. In hopes that the surgeon can operate even with it,and Im gonna beg him to lance it while Im under. My MIL said postponing surgery would not be the end of the world. true, But I guess mentally Im just thrown by this unexpected curve ball.So thats that,as they say. We wait till tomorrow to see if the surgeon will operate,and go from there!
My Gatro Issues, an Overview
I started this new blog, just to help myself and anyone else who wants to read it and know what Ive been through, gastro wise.
First, let me say, Im Sarah, 28, female, and in general good health. Im bipolar,and take my meds,{I could do a whole other blog about all that!}.I've had a "nervous stomach" my entire life. Yep, Im a puker! When Im nervous I puke,when I drink too much I puke, when I over eat greasy foods, I puke. I come from a history of pukers too,and have passed it on to my sons, age 8 and 2. My stomach issues are genetic, from an obvious point of my paternal grandmother. I know this b/c the Holden clan have most all had gastro issues in one way or the other. Also, my maternal grandfather died at 60 from colon cancer, so I was jipped from day one.
Anyway, when I was 16 and he passed away, thats when I really began having my rumbly tummy. I think it was the stress of him dying that really set me off. I think it also was the trigger for my bipolar. That stress is a killer,let me tell you! Well, in the summer of 1998 after a trip to the ER for constipation, I was set up to see a pediatric gastro doctor in Memphis,Tn. {thats where we lived close to}. I had my first endoscopy done. I was then clincally diagnosed with GERD, at the time I also had a deuodonal hemmorage. Think big bruise on your stomach,close to the intestines,that was bleeding. I was then put on a strict diet of no chocolate,no caffine and no smokes. Yes, at 16 I was a smoker. and yes my parents knew,but hardly approved! Telling a 16 year old girl she cant have chocolate, or caffine was bad enough, but telling me I couldnt rebel, was horrible! I've always been a big girl. at 16 I was 5'6, and weighed like 155ish. {its been a long time,and since my weight has only increased over the years and my height 1 1/2 inches, it slips my mind}. That summer before my senior year of high school I dropped 15lbs. to me I was super skinny! I distinctly rememeber a friend {whom I still hold near and dear} saying, "Wow! You've lost so much weight!". Talk about an ego boost I never forgot! I think thats why I still love her! :)
So my senior year began and I was still taking Prevacid. That summer I was also put on Zoloft. I began feeling better! But once I quit taking the prevacid after the designated time frame {it was still a realtivly new drug at the time}. I began to feel bad again. But by then my folks were ending their 19 year marriage,so even more stress. I totally rebelled then! I was drinking,smoking, and smoking dope! I was then 17 and pissed off at the world! you can imagine .
So a year or so went by and me taking tons of rolaides and tums and then I got pregnant and married at age 18. I was OH so very sick when I was pregnant with my oldest son! Puking all the time for 9 months! Its a wonder he weighed his 8lbs! I gave up smoking when I was pregnant {BOTH times,but sadly always picked it back up,even after being smoke free for right at a year!}
So after surviving my first pregnancy and post pardum depression, my tummy issues kinda eased off. I still took tums, and OTC remedies, but it was never that bad. At least not for a couple of years. Maybe I was too busy raising my son and keeping a roof over his head to notice some off and on again heartburn.
But in my early -mid twenties, the reflux came back like a Grizzly hongrey after his long winters nap. More to come on that later....
First, let me say, Im Sarah, 28, female, and in general good health. Im bipolar,and take my meds,{I could do a whole other blog about all that!}.I've had a "nervous stomach" my entire life. Yep, Im a puker! When Im nervous I puke,when I drink too much I puke, when I over eat greasy foods, I puke. I come from a history of pukers too,and have passed it on to my sons, age 8 and 2. My stomach issues are genetic, from an obvious point of my paternal grandmother. I know this b/c the Holden clan have most all had gastro issues in one way or the other. Also, my maternal grandfather died at 60 from colon cancer, so I was jipped from day one.
Anyway, when I was 16 and he passed away, thats when I really began having my rumbly tummy. I think it was the stress of him dying that really set me off. I think it also was the trigger for my bipolar. That stress is a killer,let me tell you! Well, in the summer of 1998 after a trip to the ER for constipation, I was set up to see a pediatric gastro doctor in Memphis,Tn. {thats where we lived close to}. I had my first endoscopy done. I was then clincally diagnosed with GERD, at the time I also had a deuodonal hemmorage. Think big bruise on your stomach,close to the intestines,that was bleeding. I was then put on a strict diet of no chocolate,no caffine and no smokes. Yes, at 16 I was a smoker. and yes my parents knew,but hardly approved! Telling a 16 year old girl she cant have chocolate, or caffine was bad enough, but telling me I couldnt rebel, was horrible! I've always been a big girl. at 16 I was 5'6, and weighed like 155ish. {its been a long time,and since my weight has only increased over the years and my height 1 1/2 inches, it slips my mind}. That summer before my senior year of high school I dropped 15lbs. to me I was super skinny! I distinctly rememeber a friend {whom I still hold near and dear} saying, "Wow! You've lost so much weight!". Talk about an ego boost I never forgot! I think thats why I still love her! :)
So my senior year began and I was still taking Prevacid. That summer I was also put on Zoloft. I began feeling better! But once I quit taking the prevacid after the designated time frame {it was still a realtivly new drug at the time}. I began to feel bad again. But by then my folks were ending their 19 year marriage,so even more stress. I totally rebelled then! I was drinking,smoking, and smoking dope! I was then 17 and pissed off at the world! you can imagine .
So a year or so went by and me taking tons of rolaides and tums and then I got pregnant and married at age 18. I was OH so very sick when I was pregnant with my oldest son! Puking all the time for 9 months! Its a wonder he weighed his 8lbs! I gave up smoking when I was pregnant {BOTH times,but sadly always picked it back up,even after being smoke free for right at a year!}
So after surviving my first pregnancy and post pardum depression, my tummy issues kinda eased off. I still took tums, and OTC remedies, but it was never that bad. At least not for a couple of years. Maybe I was too busy raising my son and keeping a roof over his head to notice some off and on again heartburn.
But in my early -mid twenties, the reflux came back like a Grizzly hongrey after his long winters nap. More to come on that later....
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